Midnight craving

June 1, 2013

I can survive without Korean food for quite a while. But sometimes my Korean food craving hits me all of a sudden. I was hungry late last night and thinking what would be the best to fix for hunger. So I decided to make simple Kimbab(Korean seaweed roll). It's a Korean dish that you can easily find on a street vendor or a small restaurants in Korea and it's simple and easy finger food. It's a lot different than Japanese one. No vinegar in the rice(Korean one use salt and sesame oil for the rice seasoning) and no raw fishes. It's filled with marinated meat, pan fried eggs, radish pickle, spinach(I used cucumber instead) and some other vegetables to make the color to be stand out.

Steamed rice is already in my rice cooker. So I add salt and sesame oil in the rice and mixed very well. And I only had sausages and the reddish pickles. That was simple and quick and also very delicious. So the next morning I decided to make a better one with more stuff inside. But it wasn't as good as last night. I guess I was hungry and craving that time so badly. So that made me feel the simpler one was better taste. I don't know when I will make this one again. Maybe another three months later? Let's see.

I want my sun back

May 31, 2013

Literally my May sun is disappeared. My bedroom window which is tilted along the roof line shows every details of rain drops these days. This was taken last week and it made me how much I miss sun. Weather in May is always whimsical. Morning sun doesn't guarantee the day's weather at all and your umbrella is not going to be used when you brought it out with you cause you saw rain drops in the morning.

People here never carries umbrellas. They wear rain hoodie jackets. No one would know how much of rain will be there and don't wanna carry their umbrellas. So I learned from them and ignore rain all the time. But this weather brings me down. Especially we had such a long winter last year and barely had spring yet. So I took a lot of sunny days photos to cheer myself whenever I have a chance. And here they are.

Sunset

May 21, 2013

I almost missed this beautiful sky. It's been a while I took this kind of scene. It's usually in the winter time. Cause the sun falls early and rises late. So the winter time is perfect for shooting sunrises and sunsets. Glad I didn't miss it. It's always too short moment. That's why I had to run to my room and pick up my cameras (I enjoy shots from Canon 5D Mark III and at the same time with my Fuji X100)

Below images are from Canon 5D Mark III

And rest of them are from Fuji X100

Kimchi Mozzarella Burger

May 19, 2013

I know some people might say "What?" But I love Kim-chi and sometimes I try little bit of fusion food in my own way. So here I am trying to make some Kim-chi burger. Not much different than the conventional burger. But I didn't use mayonnaise and toasted the bread with olive oil. And instead of tomatoes and lettuces I use pan fired Kim-chi and onions. The result was better than my imagination. I'll have this one time to time.

Ground beef with salt, pepper, chopped scallion and chilli flakes. Mix them well and make patties.

Pan fry the onions and Kim-chi (add half ts of sugar).

Pan fry the patties and when one side is well cooked flip them over and stack some slices of mozzarella cheese.

Then everything is done and put all the ingredients and serve them.

Late afternoon sun

May 17, 2013

I was on my way to home from my workout and the day's sun was golden. I felt I needed my camera. So I went up to my room and took my camera to the park. Even it was short time, I was be able to enjoy how the sun was beautiful. This is one of the things that I like. Very golden color of sun lays on a meadow and it shines leaves and people's smile. The empty kids park was so poetic. I was standing there for some times. Then I realized that I gotta do this more often.

3rd

May 13, 2013

Time went so fast. It had been already three years since I moved to Prague. First I thought "Is really going to be my home?" Now I feel it is my home. There are still some frames I didn't hang on the wall and Kitchen window glass is not yet replaced(wind slam the window and broke the glass). Well, that's my home incomplete and perfect home. I should've celebrate this day and totally forgot about it. So at least this way I want to remember the day I came to Prague and the life I had here. Thanks Prague.

Being an adult

May 12, 2013

It is still not clear when I became an adult. The numbers we call 'age' is getting thicker and thicker. But it seems like I'm stuck in twenties except my body doesn't respond me like twenties. When we learn history, those textbooks we had are saying that from this time to that time of period is bla bla. But becoming an adult is not clear like that.

I have two beautiful nieces and they are 5 and 3. They are so lovely and wonderful. They love me and still have that excitement when I get to see them. But I don't think it'll go forever. There is going to be a time that they think they are treated not fair and the whole world is not on their side. Do I know how to react or handle this kind of situations? Somehow I'm an adult. So I have to be more patience and wiser than them. But I have no idea how I can deal with it.

A friend of mine who lives in London and her son is about twelve years old. Very sweet and smart kid. He is even smarter and more confident than when I was at his age. He knows way more things than me. And even acts like an adult. He is so sure at what he feels and what he wants. Compare to him, I was so child like and too shy all the time at that age. His questions are very direct. There is no mutter at his opinion. Maybe thats why? Somehow I got lost how to say to him or answer to his sharp questions. I've been in my childhood before like everybody did. So theoretically I suppose to know what to say in front of him. Cause my brain is the same one I had at his age. Why am I getting an anger even I can't show. Why am I not completely understand at his behavior even I might have been in similar situations before? And why am I not being a cool adult and making myself childish?

I no longer should say that I'm an adult. That's right I was never been an adult. How do I know all the great parents who knows everything and how to handle their children. Probably they don't. They just deal with it every single day until their children become older. Maybe becoming an adult is not like mathematically from when we all become an adult precisely. It's maybe we are becoming adults little by little and day by day until we die.

My nieces aren't gonna be 5 and 3 forever. Someday they will be 12 and 10 or 16 and 14. Am I ready to be a cool uncle to them? How do I know? I don't even have a child and I don't live with them. So that proves that I know nothing about them. My life is all full of "adults" and we all are kind of kids in some ways and we never realize that. I wish there is some apps on my phone call "How to deal with teenagers". So then I can open my phone and find out whenever I have issues with them. Then I can be the cool uncle forever. Only in my dream.

We all swore once that we are going to be cool at our children and kids. Our parents and many of adults didn't understand what we thought and wanted. So when we become one of them, we'd be better than them to understand our kids. In fact we easily forget and make same steps. So we have to start all over from the beginning. Maybe it's a fate that it has to be our own. And we have to face it by ourself. Not we heard from someone else. Because every children are different and as the time goes by each generation makes so much of differences.

Luckily I still got time. Maybe 5 or 7 more years. Maybe I could be a cool uncle very easily. Cause I don't see them often and that makes me the precious uncle that they can see only once a year. Well I know nothing about how to be an adult in front of kids. Might as well, I should just listen to them and let them to speak out. And be patience is another good one I guess.

Beautiful hands

May 11, 2013

Many years ago, one of my friend said that our hands shows our class. So we have to take care of our hands to be looking good. I didn't thought about it much at that time. But it never left my thoughts. It was in fact led me into deeper thinking more and more.

Sure pretty hands are good to look at and even good to touch. But I highly disagree with him that hands has many classes. It sounded like he doesn't want to be look like low class. I wonder what was his real class was. Hands are important for all of us and we use them for many reasons. It shows who you are and what you do.

My grandmother was a farmer. She was working in the field all day long and that made her hands tough and dark. I still remember her hand weren't soft or pretty. But those hands made amazing rice and vegetables. When I was sick, she even rubbed my belly to make me calm and get better(Korean old custom). I wonder what was her class and what would my friend say about her hands. Many years ago when I was an animator, my hand was in bad shape and suffering. Because I was drawing animation characters all day long. But I was good at my job and that meant everything. No one was saying I was low class cause I had an ugly hand.

There are thousands of jobs out there and most of them are working very hard. I'm sure there is a carpenter who has pretty hand and always take good care of them afterwards. But in my thought, carpenter's hard working hands are very beautiful. So as my grandmother's hands. We should think of what we do with our hands before think of what our hands look like. I rather be genuine about what I do than what my hands look like. Fisher mans hands aren't gonna be any pretty. But from those hands we can eat fishes(We all know somebody has to catch them).

My hands are not the prettiest one in the world. It has so many scars from cooking and doing some of my paper cutting projects. But I like them. Those scars are permanent and it will be ugly as always. But I love them. I was doing what I love and it made me by now. I'm sure still my friend must have good looking hands after so many times of manicures. But I don't envy his. And I don't feel bad he is no longer friends with me. I certainly don't wanna be friends with someone thinks hands have classes.

Nostalgia

May 11, 2013

The sun is passing between clouds and lighting up the field in late afternoon. On the way to Budapest, the running train splits green forest and golden wheat fields. The long shadows cast by the low-rising sun in the western sky summoned up vague memories.

Here I am after the blinded running of my life -- in this place where the words are unfamiliar and the eyes are blue. An emptiness inside pulls me. Every day is a blessing and I have so many things for which to be thankful. From the time I wake up until the time I sleep, I have no space to feel hollow or feel what is missing from the life I have in this beautiful city.

Despite that, sometimes … sometimes a yearning that is vague and uncertain suddenly surfaces. Maybe I miss the things to which I can't return. The orange-colored sun, like a tarnished picture, has a talent to evoke the feelings of old days from everything what I see through the window. Light scatters through the trees, calling the figures of my vanished hometown. The town that I can draw even with my eyes closed.

Comes the chestnut-tree house, after I pass the apricot-tree house. When I climb the twisted road where the chestnut trees skirt the mountain, I see my grandmother's thatched house. When late afternoon comes, chimneys are getting busy for dinner time. A boy climbs onto the porch after he passes the fence of juniper trees along the smoke-filled road. The naive and young heart that holds a vain hope for a nice meal, even though he knows what he will have to fill his hunger -- poor vegetables reborn with his grandmother's amazing skill. He misses it a lot more than the fancy meals he has today.

Because grandmother can't come back, because of the food I can't have again, my heart is aching with nostalgia for my grandmother as the train passes through the late-afternoon forest. The steamed rice from an enormous, cast-iron kettle and soy-bean soup and a bowl of kimchi tempt me more than a good beef steak. Whenever I return to Korea, the many friends who welcome me are always taking me to restaurants for grilled meat. Delicious meat, the meat that I always hoped to have. When next-door at Seong-sil's house, there were meat dishes. When Neung-gwon's house had roasted fish, I despised my own poor dinner. But why do I miss her dinners so much now! I never thought I would long for them.

Everything is lost. I miss her dinner so much. Because I cannot get it back, no matter how hard I try. The memories of when she had cancer and I brought a bowl of seaweed soup. She stirred it with her spoon, searching for some meat. I had to tell her we had only beef broth, no meat. That memory hurts me so much. I can make real beef seaweed soup now more than a hundred times. I can run over to a supermarket and buy lots of meat and make it for her as much as she wants.

Suddenly Europe, which has preserved its old things so well makes me sad. Because my old things disappeared even before their own colors had faded. My grandmother in 1985. My hometown, swept away for "development," in 1991. That's why I want to run again on the bumpy road to her house. On the way, even though I must bow to all the townspeople, I will run. Past Jae-jun's house, Hae-jin's house, Seung-min's house. Avoiding the big dog at Mr. Chu's house, past the apricot-tree Seong-woo's house and the chestnut-tree Jeong-nan's house. Keep running towards the chimney that smokes for my humble dinner. I just want to run to a young me and my grandmother, with her few teeth and the soybean soup and the green peppers from the back yard.

Now because I live abroad, I eat kimchi only once a month or twice. That's why? This nostalgia? I need to make jimchi (as she pronounced it in our local dialect, with a "j" instead of a "k")when I get back to Prague. Even though I can't replicate her taste, I should eat well-pickled kimchi more often. Maybe then there will be no sudden attacks from this long nostalgia.

"Grandma! Why is it so delicious even though I know there is nothing much in the kitchen cabinet? I promise I won't complain. Make more. I miss you……" The sun hidden behind the clouds is wet red.